And yes, some have Lent thrust upon them. I have never been good at fasting and generally at self-denial and other outward and visible signs of penitence. The only time I remember having renounced something successfully for Lent, what I had decided to give up was anger. Prayer and sharing come somewhat more easily. But each year the beginning of Lent is a moment of crisis and difficulty. One is told that it must not be like New Year’s resolutions; that the hope of “making a good Lent” is a form of pride; and so what one is left with is a mess of confusing, and confused, thoughts and prayers and the hope that somehow it will all come out right.
This year, though, the general feeling of vernal well-being and bouncing energy that always used to feel so contradictory to a season of penitence and introspection was providentially removed. In the first place I was recovering from surgery, having had a knee replaced and still learning to walk. I can assure those friends who haven’t had this done that the verse “At the name of Jesus, every knee will bow” takes on a whole new, and conflicted, meaning. Then, as walking was going better, off on a 3-day birthday trip to Barcelona, I tripped over a suitcase on a station platform, measured my length and broke two ribs. This ensured discomfort if not actual pain for another four weeks. And when that was finally settled, on a conference trip to North America, I contracted what I thought was a particularly vile cold but what turned out (as diagnosed in a New York hospital) to be authentic flu.
My medical experiences are of no interest; what is curious is the coincidence with Lent. It truly did feel as if one was having Lent thrust upon one. And yes, it made me read more, pray more, and meditate more – most particularly as, returning home, I found among the held-over mail, a present from my daughter that blazingly illuminates each remaing Lenten day: Malcolm Guité’s Words in the Wilderness, a daily companion to Lent and Easter by way of poetry, ranging from his own (remarkable) poems to those of C.S. Lewis, Gerard Manley Hopkins, Tennyson, Donne, and of course the indispensable and durably glorious St George Herbert (as I have heard him invoked in an Anglican litany). With Guité and Benedict XVI’s magnificent Jesus of Nazareth vol. 2 Holy Week, my Lent is moving toward a deeply satisfying close, for which I can only give continuing thanks. Mind you, the fast is still slow……
