A FEAST OF DOUBT

I have written about doubt before, as it is the permanent guest at a believer’s table. Today is the feast of Thomas Didymus, the solitary twin, whom we all envy even though it was he who was told to envy us. In what tone of voice, we may wonder, did he express his scepticism at the other disciples’ story? Was it a sneer of ‘Oh, sure: tell it to the Marines’? Or was it the dull, defeated voice of one who so desperately wanted to be sure but whose only certainty was that he would be disappointed again? Either way, he was heard. And the man who turned up was the same simple, smiling figure we saw on the beach at dawn with grilled fish. (There he is, in the Rembrandt sketch, above.) The Jesus who appears between resurrection and ascension is rather a comforting man, concerned to show that he is not a ghost, not an apparition: here, have some fish; here, touch me, go on, I’m real. And Thomas is appropriately stunned, stunned and infinitely relieved, and full of wonder. Having seen, and heard, and touched, he goes from one extreme to the other. My Lord and my God. Not just Master, or Rabbouni, but all the way. And again, a simple smile in reply. OK, now you believe, because you’ve seen. But think of all those people to come: they’re going to have to believe without having your luck, and a surprising number of them will manage it. Think about it, Tom.

So today is the Feast of Doubt, one we can all celebrate wholeheartedly. Of course we who live after the Ascension, have the third Person of the Trinity with us, whether we know it, or think about it, or not. And He is the one who en principe, as the French say, allows us to believe without seeing and touching. The good thing about doubt is that it shows one is at least concerned with the matter. When Thomas said what he said, he clearly cared. And when you are concerned with the matter, you are open to that third Person’s turning up. He won’t turn up with touchable skin and wounds; but turn up He will.

And of course, we are not left entirely without seeing and touching. Hoc est corpus meum. Is it Thomas who is to be envied, or is it we?